Sometimes FOMO = Self Care

Tessa Burns MartinBody work and Yoga, Psychotherapy

I’m sure many of you know the term FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out! It has been a theme many times in my life, and I’m sure others have experienced this too. FOMO has kept me at the “greatest parties”, hosting the most magnificent events, pushing through to the end of those dreaded sports games, dancing on a sprained ankle, cooking when I should have been ordering in, staying up late when I should be in bed, having “just one more” drink when all I need is to be in a cab, and “powering through” when all I needed was to surrender. Oh ya, and lying in bed in the wee hours of the morning wondering if I made the right choice about being there instead of being on the beach with my best friends, post wedding (as a hypothetical).

In an age when self-care is considered weakness, I am the most recent victim. Recently I divorced my 9-5 retail job and dived head first into becoming a budding entrepreneur in the healing arts field. I find myself sitting down to take a moment to reflect on how I got here. I have become my own boss, making my own schedule, assisting the owner of an integrative wellness centre, and stepping into the role of assistant tutor with my Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy (BSCT) college, all while managing my clinic and at home practice. I asked myself:

How do I support and sustain all these aspects to the best of my ability with the highest respect for all involved?

How do I maintain my personal relationships, my physical and spiritual self-care practices, clean my house, purchase and prepare healthy food (with sustainable agriculture and human rights in mind) take care of my fur babies, keep up with my appearance (real time and social media outlets) tend a garden, be a good friend, daughter, sister, granddaughter, lover, student and general all around good human?

Well, I have come to this conclusion folks. Sometimes you just have to say NO! Saying no to others, is saying yes to yourself. Many of us are running around feeling dedicated to this, obligated to that, indebted to this, needing to show face for that and all of it being well intended and good, leaves us depleted. When our cup is less than half full, how can we give anything more back to ourselves and all the other relationships we need to maintain.

It comes down to a fine balance; an art, an art of being your finest self. We can’t hide behind these veils of “self-care” when it is just an act of being lazy, but conversely, we cannot push through in an inauthentic effort to show a part of ourselves that is not true, present, valid, or capable. Neither one of these states defines who we are. We are in a constant flux and it is a dance to move through life in our effort to be the best self that we can be. It is our job to be conscious of our ever-shifting needs.

Be radically honest about your true needs. Take the time to slow down into your serenity. Schedule self-care before your body crashes; it inevitably will if you don’t consciously make time.  Have the awareness and intelligence to give when you can, retreat when you need, and the human capacity to know the difference. Nourish yourself with food, friends, nature, exercise and rest. Let go of anything that gets in the way of these essentials, even if it is painfully difficult to do so. The loss you may feel initially will not outweigh being true to your own needs.

So the next time you push yourself to go to a place that is less than your ideal, or challenge a friend, colleague or family member past their comfort zone in an unhealthy way, remember that FOMO affects us all, and it is a base line of self-care and self-love. How can you best offer this love to yourself? Thus, offering it to the highest level for those close to your daily life?

My journey through my processing and healing was supported by Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy (BCST). BCST helped my body unravel past stories and traumas, balance my nervous system and build my resiliency and I am grateful to be able to offer cranial work to support my clients. I am continually humbled by the capacity of this work to heal. We call the work processing because it is a process. It can be a tough road, but one worth taking. I am here to help guide you along the path. I am here to help you choose your highest road.