Tessa Burns MartinPsychotherapy

Normally I put work away on weekends but I am having one of those rare moments where the kids are in bed early and I have time to reflect. This is the first time in weeks that I have felt stillness because of all the preparations for the new space. And as I reflect, I felt it was necessary to be open about the process. I have had so many compliments about the new space, that I felt it was necessary for others to know that change is not smooth or perfect. Between delayed permits, changes in vision to the expected stressors of project managing your own renovation, this move has made my normally very quiet life quite tumultuous. However, now that I am returning back to my place of peace and grounding, I have become clear on a few lessons that this transition has taught me:

“The most common way people give up their power is thinking they don’t have any”
Alice Walker.

Lesson #1: Don’t play small for others – of course with growth comes the challenge of being comfortable with showing up in a bigger way. I noticed it when people would comment on the beauty and grandeur of the new space that I was tempted to downplay the immensity of this shift. But I just watched it and did not buy into that feeling of undermining my success. What was surprising, however, was how I wanted to downplay my support because I felt like others were judging the opportunities as being lucky. In those instances I felt like I had to share all my hardships to find commonality. But that was my way of playing small. I do have many advantages – one being my amazing husband. It is rare to find a man that would support a vision like mine so wholeheartedly. He is not just about words of support – he has put in 16 hour days and even hand-crafted doors to give the look we were wanting while being conscious of my very important budget. I am grateful, but I am not lucky, because we work hard to have that level of love and support in our relationship. I am grateful, not apologetic, about my opportunities and I realize when I am defensive, I am focused on my hardships not my successes.

Lesson #2: Call in reinforcements – I will not for one moment pretend that I did this by myself (or alone with my husband). I have enlisted so much help that I worry if I list everyone I will miss someone because there are too many people to count. From support from our family, friends, our team, even the likes and comments on Facebook, this space was built by a community. And through that community, amazing things will grow.

Lesson #3: Take time to reflect and feel gratitude: From this moment of stillness, all the tears, all the lost hours of sleep are now worthwhile. The vision, that I worried may have been a delusion at times, is now a reality. And what a beautiful reality it is.

So be big, be bold, and honour that just because it is uncomfortable doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile. Amazing things happen through perseverance.